I Sat Down With a Divorce Attorney… and God Sat Me All the Way Down

Let me be real with you—I was done.

Not “he’s getting on my nerves” done. Not “I need a break” done. I mean sitting across from a divorce attorney, talking legal fees and property division, trying to figure out how I got here, done.

I remember walking out of that office feeling numb. Not empowered. Not relieved. Just…empty.

But before you judge me, let me take you back. Because this didn’t happen overnight.

The Girl I Was

I am the black sheep of my family... the rebel, the “she’ll-learn-the-hard-way” daughter. And trust me, I’ve lived a life.

I survived a sexual assault while serving in the military. That trauma wrapped itself around me like chains, and I turned to alcohol to numb what I didn’t have the language to express. PTSD wasn’t just a diagnosis; it was (and still is) a daily fight. I burned bridges. I made reckless choices. And at my lowest, I couldn’t even recognize myself.

But God. 🙌🏾

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” —Psalm 34:18

In 2016, when my daughter Tahiry was born, something in me broke, and something else awakened. I realized I didn’t want her to grow up watching me drown. I wanted her to be proud, not just of what I survived, but of the woman I chose to become.

God began sending help.

A job. A mentor who paid out of his pocket for my degree. A purpose I had long buried under shame and pain. I found my calling working with survivors and military nonprofits. Professionally, I was finally thriving.

The Man I Chose When I met him, he was publicly broken. Reality TV had exposed parts of his life he hadn’t healed from, and the world was not kind. But I saw him. I saw who he could be. His spirit wasn’t just damaged, it was anointed. And I believed in him, maybe more than he believed in himself.

We got married in 2021, and I wish I could tell you it was magical. Some days were. But a lot of days… they were war.

He jumped from job to job. Made promises and broke them. He wasn’t always honest. And slowly, the woman who believed so fiercely in him started to harden. I went from encouraging to nagging. From covering him in prayer to covering myself in silence.

And then one day, I realized: I no longer felt like his wife. I felt like his opponent.

I know that sounds ugly. But the truth has stretch marks. And if we’re gonna be real, let’s be all the way real.

I Put Him Out. And I Put Up Walls.

After one particularly devastating disappointment, I reached out to someone for advice. In hindsight, it was the wrong person. The world will always tell you to “do you,” to “protect your peace,” and “you don’t owe nobody nothing.” And some of that is valid... to a point.

But what do you do when the covenant you made before God starts to feel like a cage?

I told Michael to leave. And I walked into a divorce attorney’s office fully prepared to walk away.

But God.

When God Won’t Let You Quit Quietly

Not long after that, a woman from the church reached out. She didn’t know the full story, but she knew enough to ask: “Are you praying for your husband? Or just complaining about him?”

That question hit like a freight train. Because the truth? I had stopped praying. I stopped believing. I stopped fighting the right way.

“The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” —Proverbs 14:1

I was doing everything but building. And God lovingly, but firmly, sat me all the way down.

Golden Nugget #1: Love Without Vision Is Frustration

I married a man with purpose, but not with vision. And when a man doesn’t see what you see in him, he will fumble the very thing God gave him as a blessing.

But here’s the truth, sis: sometimes, God allows you to marry potential, not for you to fix him, but for Him to transform you both.

“Where there is no vision, the people perish.” —Proverbs 29:18

Golden Nugget #2: Accountability Without Grace Is Just Criticism

I was holding my husband to a standard he hadn’t been equipped to reach yet. But I wasn’t praying with him. I wasn’t speaking life over him. I was managing him, not ministering to him.

And let me say this: you can’t be both his judge and his helpmate.

I started meeting weekly with that same church sister. And what she taught me wasn’t about being a submissive doormat—it was about becoming a godly wife. There’s a difference.

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” —Ephesians 4:2

Golden Nugget #3: A Covenant Is Not a Contract

Contracts are based on performance. Covenants are based on commitment, even when performance is lacking.

“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” —Ecclesiastes 4:12

Michael and I didn’t need better communication. We needed to invite God back into the center.

Because when you’re unequally yoked with your own frustration, even a good man can feel like the enemy.

So Where Are We Now?

Michael is getting ready to embark on a complete life change. A transformation I will share when the time is right. We’re rebuilding. Day by day. Prayer by prayer.

He’s trying. I see the effort. And I’m learning that softness isn’t weakness, it's strength under control. I’m not pretending everything is perfect. But now? I’m showing up as a wife again. Not just a roommate with a ring.

“Therefore, encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” —1 Thessalonians 5:11

To the Person Reading This…

Maybe you’re tired. Maybe your partner isn’t living up to the person you know they could be. Maybe you’re one disappointment away from calling it quits.

Before you do, ask yourself: Have I really invited God into this? Have I loved them with vision? With patience? With prayer?

And if the answer is no, that’s not shame, it’s an opportunity. Opportunity for God to do what only He can.

Final Nugget: God Doesn’t Waste Brokenness

Every crack in your marriage is a place God can pour His glory into, if you’ll let Him.

Don’t let pride, pain, or people talk you out of your promise. This is a covenant. And covenant doesn’t run, it rebuilds.

A Prayer for the Person Ready to Quit

Lord, I lift up every person reading this who feels like they are done—who’s sitting in the silence of a broken home, a weary heart, or a marriage that feels like a battle. Give them strength when they have none left. Give them clarity when their vision is blurred by pain. Remind her that they are not alone, and You are always faithful.

God, breathe new life into their marriage/relationship if that is Your will. Help them to love with grace when frustration is heavy. Help them to pray with power when hope feels distant. And if this season is meant to end, guide their steps with peace, not regret.

May they hear Your voice above the noise, “I am with you. I will never leave you. I am making all things new.”

In Jesus’ name, Amen.